I like good movies. There isn’t anything particularly great about that. I don’t think people like bad movies. That goes with why they’re called bad. Bad movies are the movies that nobody likes, right? As it turns out, the answer is not that simple.

I participate in a writing forum. Somebody once started a thread asking for a response to this question: What is the worst movie you’ve ever seen? The responses were quite varied. The surprising thing was that even among people who are trying to become screenwriters, there was little agreement. Oh, there were some opinions that were just about universal, but not all were.

I had two nominees for worst picture. The first was a movie called Rhinestone (1984). Dolly Parton plays a country and western singer who makes a bet with her manager in order to get out of her contract. She agrees to turn anyone he picks into a country singer. If she can, she’s out of the contract. If she loses, she’s locked in for a longer period. The manager picks New York cab driver, Sylvester Stallone. I watched that movie and immediately said “That was a waste of 90 minutes of my life.” It was actually 110 minutes. I guess my brain shut down in self defense.

The second choice was Revolution (1985). Set during the American Revolution, Al Pacino plays a man who wants to stay out of the conflict. He expresses it clearly, in a modern Brooklyn accent, “It’s not my waaaaarrr!” With Donald Sutherland playing a boy buggering British general, it didn’t get better. It was further ruined by having Nastassja Kinski as the female lead.

Anyway, back to the forum question. Here’s a list of the nominees:
The Labyrinth
Aeon Flux
Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever
Boy and Girls
Christmas With the Kranks
Exorcist: The Beginning
The Fog
Jeepers Creepers 2
The Last Horror Movie
Resident Evil Apocalypse
The Ring 2
Stealth
XXX 2
Screwed
Pink Flamingos
You Light Up My Life
The Royal Tenenbaums
Anything with Ben Stiller or Owen Wilson
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Alone in the Dark
Alien vs. Predator
The Blair Witch Project
Anything by Woody Allen (seconded by my wife)
Mortal Kombat
First 3 episodes of Star Wars
Costner’s Waterworld or The Postman
Plan 9 From Outer Space
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

This isn’t close to a complete list. So here is my challenge. Tell me what you’re choice is for the worst movie of all time. If you can, include your reasons. There is obviously no correct choice. I’d just like to hear what your thoughts are. Until next time, it’s a great day to be alive!