“But that was 40 years ago”, I protested. I signalled to the bartender for another round. “Surely you guys have caught up by now.”

“I wish to God we had. It isn’t for a lack of trying. Our scientists have never seen one and don’t know how they work. We thought we were onto something a few years back but now I’m not so sure.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember a few years back there was a lot of fuss about jet contrails. You could see the contrails but sometimes you couldn’t see the plane that was making it. It seems that in certain atmospheric conditions, your jets leave a trail that can be seen. We started sending our own planes up into the contrails, taking samples. Sometimes they would come back with traces of selenium. We went crazy trying to figure out how selenium factors into your planes. Is it a by-product of your fuel? Is it a coating on your surface? We spent millions of dollars trying to figure this out and we’ve come up with zip.

“Some of us think this is just a sick joke that your government is playing on us. Personally, I think your planes sometimes just seed some selenium knowing that we’re looking for clues. For a couple thousand dollars a year in selenium, you’ve got us spending millions of dollars on a wild goose chase.”

The General got real quiet, like he was remembering something. A dark look was on his face when he turned to face me.

“You work for a big company?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Big shots from corporate headquarters show up and inspect stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“Me, too. Only for me, the inspection is done by the President. It was a beautiful day. Sky was clear. Sun was shining. I’d driven the President around the base and shone off all the planes. Then I drove him over to the stage. He was going to give a speech and everyone on base was supposed to be there. Four times. Four times your planes flew over my base.”

“I thought you said you never saw them. You must have seen them that day.”

He just glared at me and shook his head. Finally, he said “Just when the President began to speak, one of your planes flew over and broke the sound barrier. Remember. It was beautiful, clear day. Not a cloud. Not a plane in the sky that we can see. All of my planes were on the ground because the pilots were in the audience for the President. BOOM. The President looks at me. This wasn’t supposed to happen. So the President waits for the sound to die down. He starts to speak. BOOM. The Secret Service guys are standing around getting nervous, like they’re looking for someone to shoot. The President looks at me like he’s trying to figure out why I can’t control the pilot who’s doing that. The sound dies down and he waits. Then he waits a moment more. He starts telling a joke and BOOM. That one doesn’t fade away and BOOM. He just looks at me, turns and marches over to the car that we drove over in and has the driver take him away. Four times.”

I didn’t know what to say. I ordered another round.

“I had to get a ride back with one of my colonels. I made it into the command center and it was quiet like a church. All except one guy. He was looking down at a crossword puzzle, chuckling quietly. You may not know this but NORAD is a joint command. We have Canadians on staff at all times. Right then my vice-chief of defence was a Canadian. That was the laughing boy back there. He saw me there and said ‘How did the President like the air show?’’

“That was two weeks ago. My wife suggested that we come to Vegas to unwind. I had a lot of leave time I hadn’t been using. Sounded like a good idea. Go to Vegas. Forget everything.

To be continued